I know my blog is about my summers here in Ipswich, but I wanted to share a piece of my writing with you. It's 100 degrees here today so I'm bored and sitting inside in the AC. I would go to the beach, but the greenheads are in season and they are just too nasty.
So here it is, hope you enjoy!
Turning Water into Wine She put it in, pushed it through, and took it out. Her eyes rolled back in her head, and a rush of heat rolled through her body like a warm breeze that comes after rain in the summer. “Don’t you ever just want to…?”
“Please stop! Stop! I said stop!”
He ignored her cries and pushed in harder and further. His face held a smile, a smile so evil and devastating that she went numb. So numb that she let her mind find a place she had never been before, a place that made her happy.
She didn’t even know what happy was. Her life had been nothing but unhappy. Her name was Ally, and this is how she died.
After he was finished he walked into the bathroom. Looked at himself in the mirror, and laughed. Turned around lifted the toilet seat and threw up. What had he just done? She was only ten years old and his step daughter. Her name was Ally, and this is how she died.
Mrs. Charles had only been gone an hour. She pulled into the driveway, turned the car off, and walked into the house. Ray heard the front door slam and ran quickly out of the bathroom, giving Ally a stare like she had never seen before, as he passed by.
“You keep your mouth shut about this, you hear me? Now go clean yourself up, you look like shit!”
“Ray I’m home. Are you here?”
“I’m upstairs Clair, Ill be right down.”
Ray walked into the kitchen and gave Clair a big kiss and proceeded to tell her how beautiful she looked and how much he loved her.
They casually chatted for about ten minutes before Ally came down.
“Hey, baby! You hungry? I brought home lunch.”
Ally just walked by and sat at the table. She still was numb, she still felt dead.
“Ally, hunny, are you feeling alright?”
Ally quickly lifted her head up, for a moment she thought about telling her mother.
“Yes, mom, I’m fine. Just not feeling too good. I think I’m gonna go lie down.”
“Alright, let me know if you need anything.”
At that moment Ally lost her whole world. She was only ten. Clair Charles would exist never knowing what happened to her daughter that day.
Ally woke up staring at a ceiling fan. One of its lights was out and you could see the dust piling up around the blades. Where was she? What had happened? She rolled over, to find her boyfriend, naked, face down, and snoring. She felt sick. She got out of the bed and walked around. Throughout the house people were placed all around. It looked like a crack house. Maybe it was. Ally was confused. She doesn’t remember anything from last night. She walked into the kitchen desperate for water. She put the mug up to her lips, and the dusted mirror on the counter caught her eye. Tossed along next to it was two, one dollar bills rolled up. One was covered in blood. What had Ally done?
“I want to stop mom! I can’t, you’ll never understand!”
“Get out of my house! You have the nerve to steal from me and bringing this poison into my house! I’m not going to live like this anymore”
Ally walked out. That was the last time Clair Charles ever saw or spoke to her daughter.
Ally’s eyes were dark, but her dress was white, but the white was dirty.
As she waited in the front yard for her father to come home from work she began to feel a sense of emptiness. She waited for two hours, but he never showed up. Her mother called her inside; she said it was time for bed. Ally slowly walked in the house and her mother knew Ally was upset about her father not being home yet. Ally was five, but she blamed herself.
Drunk again her father stumbled in the door hours later, waking Ally from her sleep. She heard yelling, which was nothing different from the usually, but she hated it. Ally walked over to her door, laid on the floor with her head pressed to the crack, with small tears falling from her face. All she wanted was her father, who she loved so much, to come in and say good night.
What had Ally done wrong? Ally was five, but she started to understand what hate felt like. Not hate towards others, but hate for her self, and this was how she died.
“Do I ever tell you about the first time I tried heroine?” Ally said to Ricky, one of her dope buddies, as she took the needle out of her arm.
Feeling high Ally’s mind drifted. She saw herself in a field of white flowers, running so fast that the flowers didn’t look like flowers anymore, but just looked like a blur, or an object that had no meaning. They could have been tiny people for all she knew. She was high, so she didn’t really care, and her mind quickly went else where.
Ally always talked about her father when she was high. She would go on for hours and hours, about how much he hurt her and how much she wished she could tell him she hated him and that he ruined her life. She would always say things like, “Ricky, I only do this because of him you know.” She would usually get no response from the people she got high with. They didn’t care; they were there to get high, not to be Ally’s friends. She would never know that though.
Unless she looked down at her own funeral and saw that no one had gone.
As she took the needle out that one last time, closed her eyes as they rolled back in her head, she said to her self this would be the last time. She didn’t want to be high anymore.
Ally looked up at the cracked ceiling, eyes foggy with emptiness, and said “Don’t you ever just want to…?”
That was the last thing Ally Charles ever said. She never even got to finish.
